Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Well, I plan on starting the night dressed as little red riding hood. Then I plan on finishing the night dressed as a shit show in a red cape.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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