So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
You kept singing "your gonna lose that girl" to him right in front of her.. of course you got punched in the face.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
Panties = found
Randomize
