I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
pop tarts are not kleenex
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
It's all fun and games until you throw up hot cheetos in your drawer.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I know I'm going to throw up tonight it's just a matter of when and where
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
Randomize
