I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
You would think that me seductively unzipping my cat feetie pajamas would make him want to fuck me.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
