Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
