Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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