There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
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