Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
You have a long distance relationship and I have a long distance snapchat sexting buddy. If that doesn't describe who we are as people then I don't know what does.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
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