Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
