You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
you know how you have to have just the right ratio of chips to sandwich? same goes for pubes.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
We're 17 hours into a 3 day weekend, and he's already shitfaced. He fell of the dock TWICE and insisted on wearing a life jacket on dry land.
You're a waste of cheezeits
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
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