'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
