singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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