the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
