I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
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