ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
do herpes really smell.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
No, he's fine. He only wanted to know why there were traffic pylons in the living room and how the peanut butter got on the ceiling.
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
