i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
Randomize
