how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
Randomize
