If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
He fucking owes me dinner after I gave him head under the deck behind the bar.
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Yeah we invited her back for chicken nugget sandwiches
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Randomize