I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
Randomize
