Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
You sucked on the drag queens heel. It got that rough.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
Then you guys just all showered together...?
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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