you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
He sat next to me, put his arm around me, yelled at his girlfriend that he was breaking up with her, and told me I'm his little pet for the night.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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