If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
you tried to scramble eggs in my dryer last night. i want you here in 15 minutes to clean this shit up
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Btw any and all sexual fantasies or arousal I had about cops is null and void.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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