Do you feel that fire radiating from matt's crotch for you
Gross. gingers suck
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
I asked her why she named her vibrator Lorenzo and said it was the name she started screaming her first time.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
