You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
My mouth holds just enough water for my bong
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
i've never been that scared in my life. i ran naked into the corner and he just stood there trying to shield his boner from the light.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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