We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
Randomize
