if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I got head to The Nanny. Officially gay.
Unlimited sex for unlimited netflix. I can deal with that. I think this is the first prostitution deal for netflix ever.
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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