so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
