Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
Dignity is for republicans.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
