I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Randomize
