apparently the secret to your success is patron
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
We went out. i got lost. dunno where they were. they slept in the car. i slept in an outdoor shower. i dont know anything else.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
What has two arms, one testicle and no credit card debt? This guy.
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
I probably should have eaten more before I started shotgunning beers at 9am, but it was so much damn fun.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
Randomize
