I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
The Royals are in the World Series. I've never drank so much in one week in my life.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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