now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I just sent her mug shot out in a mass text because I hate her and her cocaine eyes are hilarious.
I wonder what it's like for my roommate to live bicuriously thro my sex life
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
