Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
There is a clear recurring theme of me having sex in restrooms that really needs to stops
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
It's not a good hook up if during you're thinking "how will this damage me psychologically"
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
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