They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
Dude, I got drunk and sexted his little sister by accident
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
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