If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
That's what you get for drunk dialing me to ask what kind of flowers I like while outside of a strip club, after telling me you "made it rain"
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
She's so nice... She deserves all the dicks.
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
don’t ask me. i snorted coke off of a pregnancy test box last night. i obviously don’t make the best life choices.
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