Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I can't ever handle being "that girl" again. At least not until next semester.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
I'm in the freezer. Shit took away any trace of hangover outa my body.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
