It's an Italian thing I guess, grew up on that shit.
I'm Irish, we don't eat cow guts unless they're blended into a fine whiskey
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
She took me into the bathroom and force fed me a panini, it was pretty good.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
