I hate when my naked walk-arounds are interrupted by someone knocking on the door
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
