he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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