I got chris browned last night
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
It's a big world.....someone has to fuck it.
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
