Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
Bottle rocket just missed my head by about 3 inches. Of course I'm being safe
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
After a while I was so wet that I started crying. HE MADE ME SO HORNY I WEPT.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
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