I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
It's a sad day when you can't take off your pants and drink a margarita at work.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
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