SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize
