My friends, they love my intelligence
Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
I just remembered something. Did we really all flash the cab driver to get half off?
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
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