Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
Should you consider yourself out of control when everyone at the party is cheering you on while you're puking, and on the last heave you act like you're rolling dice right before the finale???
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
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