Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
Hey by the way did you notice my third nipple in my snapchat
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Booze, boobs, blunts and batman. dude, I'm livin' the life.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
