Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
I dunno... But she calls vodka "dancing juice"
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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