you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
Randomize
