my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
i really appreciated the lovely drunk rendition of whitney houstan's "i wanna dance with somebody" you left on my voicemail.
I tried to put the left over margartia in a box for you but they wouldn't let me
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I love you even if you are fucked up. If you fall, i'll just get on top of you.
Randomize
