I woke up and my panties were thumbtacked to his wall. Out of my reach.
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Reminder to self: never have sex on a trampoline. Trampoline burn hurts worse than carpet burn.
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