just tell him i said nine months
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Randomize
