Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
