guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
he's gonorrhea incarnate
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Update: his apartment is apparently in the campus Christian community center. The fact that I fucked him on the couch in the lobby is officially my crowning life achievement.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Randomize
