o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
Nothing better than going to Mass on Easter Sunday with "I love penis" henna tattooed across your back. Love your Indian culture.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
i just took a huge shit in old main. i think my college bucketlist is finished.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
