You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
I'm still pretty stoned. There are mini rice cakes in my robe pocket to snack on in the shower.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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