I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
Randomize
