He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
I love you. Go after that dick
Randomize
