Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
