is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
I was like a migrating bird last night. Navigating on pure instinct. Don't remember how... but I made it home.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
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