And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
Randomize
