I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
