R and i have drinken 4 bottles od red wine. By ourselfs
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Randomize
