Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
Notice how both of our plans for hooking up with these guys involve getting them drunk?
Oh my God, we're like men but with great boobs.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
