Dude I just masturbated laying underneath my Christmas tree. Apparently all I want for Christmas is to get laid.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Randomize
