So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I can't believe there are people our age getting engaged and I can't even find a solid coke dealer.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Randomize
