cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
My walk of shame was four miles long and I had to stop for a water break. I am the picture of class.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
He's talking about feelings now. I don't even know if he came???
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
