my phone needs a breathalizer
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
He should be on Bizare Foods after who he ate last night
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Randomize
