do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
I just wanna be able to fart and do my homework but he won't leave
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Randomize
