Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Times have changed. Freshman year I could throw my shirt in a bonfire and still get laid. Now when I puke in my girlfriend's bed on her birthday I'm "an asshole"
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Maybe he injected his testicle?
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
Randomize
