We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
he answered his phone during sex and left to go help that drama queen with her latest bullshit. I'm drinking all his vodka. it's asshole tax
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
A lady played my boobs as if they were drums. It's been that kinda night.
Randomize
