Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
I have been thinking about it and I am really glad we decided to order helmets.
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I miss college girls! You know how depressing it is to fuck 30 year olds? That's what failure feels like
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Randomize
