Ambien. No doubt about it.
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
In your drunken brilliance did you make bagel with what appears to be mac and cheese smeared on top and pink icing dip? Because if so it is sitting on the counter
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
I can officially say I had a blunt rolled on my ass
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
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