We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
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