remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
