I just sold weed to a guy holding a baby...does this make me a bad person?
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
That awkward moment when you can't tell what smells like tacos: you, the cat, or the strange guys blanket your so tenderly swaddled in.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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