Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I am drunk. Riding an elevator. You can smell the beer. Doctor on with me just smiling at me... He agrees, fuck cancer.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
I'm cool with a hey old buddy how have you been want to fuck me in the butt kind of thing
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
