Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
I just hope this isn't happening Final Destination style
Travis Barker would totally be Devon Sawa in this scenario
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
my ex's current girlfriend held my hair as I threw up. new low.
She climbed up the stairs with three brownies in one fist, two in the other, and one in her mouth. Also, she opened the bedroom door with her foot. I may be in love.
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Randomize
