I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
did you see me getting spanked by that lady cop who was a guy?
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
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