her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
You seem like the type to go to a craft sale baked out of your mind. I like you.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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