I JUST GOT MY PERIOD AND MY VISA FOR LONDON GOT APPROVED! BEST DAY EVER!
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
we can fight about whose fault it is later....naked.
I found my hair extensions. They were in my hamper.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize