"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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