you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Just got a 200 dollar safe, two jars, and a 500 pack of rubber bands.. This doesn't SCREAM drug dealer does it?
...you should fill the cart some more
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
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