We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
