dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
There's a Sam Adams brew house. How were we not supposed to go
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
