so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Randomize
