I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
idk i was trying to watch Fuller House and you got up out of a dead sleep, just in your boxers, said "no more Dave Coulier" and walked out to the living room and unplugged the router
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
