so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
Making and watching you take a mixed shot with vodka, chocolate syrup, tobasco sauce, cranberry juice, and sundried tomato juice wasnt the highlite of my night. Hearing you puking from downstairs was.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Our livers are going to hate us.
It's okay, they're regenerative. God wanted this.
Randomize
