um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
why is it whenever you puke in the park there are always little kids on the swings?
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize