Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
My first STD was from a foam party
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
