It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
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