did you get engaged???
Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
you were leaning against the vending machine asking if there was a shower you could puke in.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
So my plane's delayed and some guy is talking to "sparkles" he just told her to never again sell drinks from her cleavage. This is why I don't go home
Randomize
