Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
She bit a glass in half.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
Randomize
