Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
If God invented something better than rough, drunken, lesbian sex he kept that shit to himself.
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I dunno. The drunker I get, the easier econ gets. I may be onto something here.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
