I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
just had a dream there were parent teacher conferences in college...scariest dream ever.
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Can't. Busy recovering from the worst pulled muscle of my life that I got either from excessively acrobatic boning or carrying a huge fucking ice luge down the street while wearing 4 inch heels
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
