He jizzed my face. I had to ask for a washcloth. He ran his underwear under the water and handed them to me. Not so romantic.
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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