I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
