There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
this vacation is helping with my sexual bucket list so much. threesome, deaf guy, and outdoor sex all accomplished.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
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