I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I just saw the nastiest chick.
Where?
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Called Apple, my penis pics are safe.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
