Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
When Ben was deep throating pickles last night I actually reconsidered our relationship
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize