is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
I kept screaming at his rabbit: "IT'S OKAY, YOU CAN HAVE SOME TRIX. FUCK THOSE SELFISH BITCHES."
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
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