Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
i cant get the smell of ass out of my nose
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
his extensive knowledge of the age of consent laws kinda scares me....
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Randomize
